Tuesday, April 05, 2005

mitch hedburg

The comedian Mitch Hedburg died last week of heart failure. Usually, the media focuses on stuff i could care less about (e.g. the pope's death), but the Onion does it up right by reprinting a recent interview with him.

Here are some of his classic one-liners:

"This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty."

"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D". "

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. "

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."

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