Monday, October 31, 2005

HPV vaccine

This isn't the first time I've gotten annoyed by this issue. For those of you late to this topic, social conservatives want to block the use of a cervical cancer vaccine that is 100% effective because it implicitly condones pre-marital sex. The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

A new vaccine that protects against cervical cancer has set up a clash between health advocates who want to use the shots aggressively to prevent thousands of malignancies and social conservatives who say immunizing teen-agers could encourage sexual activity.

Although the vaccine will not become available until next year at the earliest, activists on both sides have begun maneuvering to influence how widely the immunizations will be employed.

Groups working to reduce the toll of the cancer are eagerly awaiting the vaccine and want it to become part of the standard roster of shots that children, especially girls, receive just before puberty.

Because the vaccine protects against a sexually transmitted virus, many conservatives oppose making it mandatory, citing fears that it could send a subtle message condoning sexual activity before marriage. Several leading groups that promote abstinence are meeting this week to formulate official policies on the vaccine.

Read more here .

Sometimes i wish The Rapture really would happen so that these people would be taken away to some magical place instead of staying here on Earth making policy decisions. Don't be fooled. The social conservatives will say, "Hey...i just don't want MY kids vaccinated. YOU can do whatever you want with YOUR kids".

If these people want their own kids to get cancer, power to them, but unfortunately, to wipe out a disease, everyone has to get vaccinated. Otherwise, evolution will...sorry, God will intelligently design viruses that vaccines won't work against. Thanks God.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Turd Blossom is still free

A part of me was sad to hear that Karl Rove would not be facing the legal system...and, as mentioned in Slate today, it's pretty sad that the White House breathed a sigh of relief that only one of their senior officials was indicted.

At any rate, if you're like me, you're far too busy to read a 22-page indictment. The Village Voice boils it down to the good stuff, with key excerpts here .

Friday, October 28, 2005

This is what happens...

Do you see Larry? This is what happens when you sic your fancy white house lawyers on The Onion for innocuous use of the presidential seal.

via Atrios

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Sad 2000

Graphics commemorating the latest atrocity,


and here.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Giant Squid strikes back

Hey, Deo. The giant squid has something to say to you.

OK, Us, you've had your fun. Now you best pay attention. Those pictures you took crossed a lot of lines, and I, Giant Squid, want to set some ground rules if you ever want me to cooperate again. Giant Squid doesn't have a lot of patience.

Not all of the pictures made Giant Squid mad. The first ones of me underwater, for example—those were all right. Nonintrusive, plenty of Japanese scientists on hand to make it legit. All in all, pretty understandable, pretty exciting even, considering that Giant Squid hadn't ever been photographed in his natural environment before. Hell, I've been a giant squid my whole life, and even now sometimes just the fact that a creature like me exists is enough to make Giant Squid ink himself. For the sake of science, Giant Squid is glad you're happy with those shots. Giant Squid saw some of them on Yahoo!'s newswire, and he's gotta say they turned out pretty well.

The rest of this heartbreaking work of staggering genius is here at McSweeney's.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

the big house

For the very definition of a forced smile, see Tom Delay's mug shot:


I almost feel bad for the guy. almost.

The arrest paperwork and photos are available at the smoking gun .

Monday, October 17, 2005

flying spaghetti monsterism

I'm late on this one. Sorry...i never was one of those cool kids who was hep to all the fads first. I was still rolling up my pant cuffs Miami Vice style in 1992. In fact...i still do.

At any rate, I'm converting to the church of flying spaghetti monsterism. "What is it?" you ask. I first read about it in an op/ed letter in the local paper. Check it:

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

Is this joke? yep. Is it brilliant? yep. Who says satire is dead. The gran puba is Bobby Henderson, age 24, who is steadly growing more and more famous. To learn more about His noodly appendage, check out the church homepage here.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

hilary vs condi

What will 2009 be like? flying cars...a cure for cancer...kowtowing to our alien overlords?

The Guardian provides an excerpt from a book by Dick Morris, one of Bill Clinton's former advisors, called Condi vs. Hilary: The Next Great Presidential Race, that claims we'll see our first woman president:

On 20 January 2009, at precisely noon, the world will witness the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States. As the chief justice administers the oath of office on the flag-draped podium in front of the US Capitol, the first woman President, Hillary Rodham Clinton, will be sworn into office. By her side, smiling broadly and holding the family Bible, will be her chief strategist, husband, and co-President, William Jefferson Clinton.
If the thought of another Clinton presidency excites you, then the future indeed looks bright. Because, as of this moment, there is no doubt that Hillary Clinton is on a virtually uncontested trajectory to win the Democratic nomination and, very likely, the 2008 election. She has no serious opposition in her party. The order of presidential succession from 1992 through 2008, in other words, may well become Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton.

But her victory is not inevitable. There is one, and only one, figure in America who can stop Hillary Clinton: Secretary of State Condoleezza 'Condi' Rice. Among all of the possible Republican candidates for President, Condi alone could win the nomination, defeat Hillary and derail a third Clinton administration.

Personally, I think a McCain/Edwards face-off is more likely, but I guess two white guys facing off in a presidential election doesn't sell books.

Read more here .

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


A bunch of guys on my ultimate team drink pickle juice during every tournament, following a hydration fad that came about a couple years ago (popularized by the philadelphia eagles, if I recall).

Well, my hometown newspaper brings news today of what is sure to be the next big thing in sports hydration: chocolate milk.

For the record, I'm sticking with H2O.

Also: bonus points to the commenter who cites the line that shows the writer has no idea what (s)he's writing about.